When a child develops a long-term illness, the situation for the whole family is always a difficult one. Adjusting to a new life poses challenges and takes time.
Most people go through the same emotional stages when faced with crisis. By understanding the course of these emotional phases and appreciating that you are not alone when you experience them, you will be better equipped to deal with the turbulent emotions that often follow such a diagnosis.
Here, Professor Johnny Ludvigsson describes the different phases of crisis:
Shock phase
During the shock phase, it is difficult to think clearly. Thoughts will whirl around in your head. Everything seems unreal. This cannot really be happening, it can't be true. Maybe it will all turn out to have been a dream? It is common to experience a sense of walking around in a kind of haze. You cannot take in information. You see your doctor; you watch the doctor's body language and see just how serious the situation is. You listen out for hope, consolation, belief in the future but shut out all details of the disease, its likely progression and treatment, all the accompanying practicalities. You want to ask questions but find it difficult to keep your thoughts focused, or see a way forward. The doctor should listen, you think, the nurse should listen, everybody should LISTEN to your inner thoughts of what is most important right now.
Reaction phase
A reaction of sorrow with tears, sleeplessness, aggression and bitterness will also take time. Consolation is important but should be honest, not hearty and unrealistic. "You need not feel sad" seems false and "You should not be sad" feels like a punch in the face. Why shouldn't one feel sad? Everybody has the right to be sad in this situation. It is only natural to feel sorrow, bitterness and disappointment. You grieve for the healthy person you used to be, and life seems unfair. It is always unfair when a severe disease strikes someone but the sorrow will eventually fade away. You will feel better. You have had no part in developing the disease; it is not your fault. We must have the strength to listen, to face up to reality, to allow and acknowledge grief and fear.
Repair phase
After some time, you will enter the repair phase. Somebody must be able to do something about this disease. Now you need knowledge. What do you do if your blood glucose level falls too low? How do you give yourself these dreaded injections? You won't be able to relax or breathe easily again until you have got to grips with this. Now the worst part is over. You can learn more about insulin, testing, diet, and hypoglycaemia. Systematically, a little bit at a time, you can absorb facts and start to rebuild your life.
Reorientation phase
It takes a long time before a crisis moves on to the reorientation phase, and a different but acceptable life style is established - one where diabetes is an important part but by no means everything. At times, those around you will have difficulties in understanding that it takes time to go through the different phases of a crisis, but this is inevitable when someone in a family develops diabetes. Of course it is unfair, the treatment can be difficult, life has changed, you might be afraid of dying or being different from others. But there will still be Saturday afternoons, song, laughter, dancing, good food, school or work, picnics, holidays and friends. Life will never be the same again but it can still be exciting and enjoyable even if some of the rules have changed.
There are people who come to a standstill in their grief and are unable to move on. Such people will need professional help. Continuing denial inhibits people from absorbing knowledge and adjusting life to accommodate diabetes.
Regardless of whether a crisis is caused by the death of someone near and dear, a divorce, developing diabetes or something else, there will always remain a memory of what happened, much like a scar. But when you have worked yourself through the crisis and accepted what has happened, it will be like looking at a wound that has completely healed: you can see the scar but most of the time you are unaware of its existence.